When I think back to when my relationship with God began, I am often brought back to a very succinct memory when I was 12 or 13-years old. That is my first real prayer, my first real memory of speaking to God that I can recall. I am reminded of this night often, as I’m sure many of you are reminded of the first time you actually prayed to God without even knowing why you were talking to Him.

I can still picture my 12-year-old self, sitting on my bed when my Mom came into my room to tell me that my cousin had been injured by a very bad man, was in intensive care and needed our prayers. My Mom left my room and I remember crying out to God like I’ve never prayed before. All my 12-year old self could do was make a deal with God. If you do this God, I will do that, I promise. I wonder why I thought to negotiate with God at this moment in time. Perhaps I knew this was a desperate situation, a life or death situation. I hadn’t known anyone that died before and my Mom told me that was a possible outcome. I think my 12-year old self knew that it wasn’t enough to just pray. For this situation, a sacrifice was needed.

Have you ever done this before? Have you ever spoken to God in this way? Tried to negotiate with God? It gets me thinking that perhaps God places within our hearts the knowledge of how we should interact with Him. He desires our hearts to call out to Him. He desires us to commune with Him. This is not something we do normally or even feel comfortable doing so to come to Him does require a sacrifice if we think about it. It requires us to get uncomfortable. We sacrifice our time to spend time with God. We sacrifice our own desires to submit to His will for our lives. To sit in a room, in a car, at our jobs and utter words to someone we hope hears us.

It requires faith. It requires belief. To believe that the person we’re pouring our hearts out to actually exists, cares and is going to hold these things dear to Him and maybe even act on our behalf. That is huge. How much trust (faith) one must have to think these things? With my hand raised I exclaim…I know! I know! Faith as small as a mustard seed…that means very little faith…and God will listen.

So, my prayer that day was this…”God, if you save my cousin’s life, I will give you mine. I will serve you and I will follow you.” Whoa, what? Those were the words that came out of my 12-year old mouth? I promised to give God my life at 12-years old! What did that even mean? Who knew then what I was saying? I guess all I knew was this, my cousin was in a desperate situation. I wanted my cousin to live so I prayed a desperate prayer that happened to include a sacrifice.

Let me explain a little bit about my religious upbringing. I was raised Catholic and grew up going to Sunday school with a neighborhood Pentecostal family (in addition to CCD) so, I knew there was a God. I didn’t understand His power or remember knowing that He actually answered prayers, but I knew that I was surrounded by people who believed in Him. So I believed in Him. My faith was very small as a child, a mustard seed, a beginning, as it should have been. Today, I’m proud of that mustard seed.

My Mom and Dad raised me with faith. My Grandmother had four brothers who were Catholic priests. When we visited my uncles, it was for a party and there were lots of joking and laughter, love shared through great hugs and lots of beer drinking. All great memories but no discussion of God, what faith was to a person individually, only a checklist of completed sacraments. And, when I lived with my Grandmother in my college years and took out my Bible to read it, she told me she had never ever read from the Bible. Well…we did that night!

I knew my family was devoted to God, you just had to look closely at their actions to see God. For instance, my parents didn’t miss Sunday mass and tried to rally my sisters and me to go too, something that got increasingly harder as we became teenagers. Also, no matter how late she stayed up watching Jay Leno, I observed my Grandmother as she said the rosary or just a simple prayer before bed. Oh how the Lord must have waited for her each night for that special time with her. My family had a natural heart for hospitality which I know has been passed down through the generations. God tells us in 1 Peter 4:9 to “Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.” So when I think there is never enough food when I’m hosting a party and send my husband out for “one more thing” I think I should remind him about the grumbling part of this verse!

My neighborhood Pentecostal family time was spent in fun Sunday school classes, joyous times singing songs together (later to be known as worship), listening to the Pastor speak from a stage (later to be known as “the sermon”), kneeling in prayer after the service and going for the biggest scope of ice cream on our way home from church. They also served God by cooking in the kitchen at church, leading worship and going around praying for others at the end of the service.

When I think of my childhood promise that I made to God, my family exposure to faith in action and meeting that Pentecostal family, I can only thank God. He saw me at 12-years old and heard my prayer. He not only saw me and heard my prayer, but He answered my prayer. He not only answered my prayer but because I uttered those words to Him, He has led me on a journey of faith. Throughout my life He put people in my path that would add more seeds of faith and He constantly watered those seeds.

So, am I keeping my promise to God? Did I give him my life? Do I choose every day to follow Him? Am I honoring my heritage by demonstrating faith in action? Every day I try hard to obey Him in all He asks me to do. I give Him space in my life to speak. I feel Him leading me to do something and I attempt in my weakest way to accomplish the task set before me. How do I know it’s Him speaking to me and leading my heart? Faith. It takes faith to believe that He is the One leading me because I’ve asked Him to. Is my relationship with God perfect? Absolutely not! Does He sometimes give me something I consider hard or out of my comfort zone and I think, let me pray about that to ensure I heard right. Sad, but true. I do my best. Every day, it’s a choice.

By choosing Him, I have come to learn the truth that dwells in one of my favorite scriptures. “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.” Psalm 37:4 There are multiple layers to this promise but as you delight in Him and get to know Him, He increases your desire for Him. And, as the lover of your soul, He longs to give you the desires of your heart.

So now I ask, did you make a promise to God? Ask Him to search your heart and remind you of the places where you spoke those intimate words to Him. Start today by choosing to allow space in your life for Him to speak. Do you have a faith-filled heritage? Are you continuing to leave a legacy of faith? FYI: God will show you characteristics of Himself in your family heritage even if you think it is nonexistent, trust me.

All you need is a little bit of faith, the size of a mustard seed. He acknowledges just a small amount of faith. God will surprise you when you make yourself uncomfortable to sit with him. He wants to talk with you, sit with you, even if it’s only for a moment. Just like my Grandmother’s daily moment with God, He waits for you too.

Remember, God is crazy about you!

He’s wildly crazy about you.

He is waiting for you to speak back to Him.